Conversations with Portia

Do you have a little girl who talks incessantly?

Do you love those conversations?

I do.

Portia and Sophie and I had just gone to Costco.

And boy, did we stock up!  I also love those trips to Costco.

Ya just feel like your prepared to hunker down for winter...

On the way home, with Sophie strapped in the back,

I began to listen..

(sometimes during these long convo's I begin to look like this)

But the words I was hearing were so interesting I hung on every

single

one.

Portia:   Mom, when I grow up I am going to have 100 kids, no, no wait 10 kids maybe well ya.  I am going to have 5 boys and 5 girls.  And their names are going to be umm, wait ya ,no not that, well ya,  Daisy, Bailey Shaley cuz they are gonna rhyme, Crystal,

 (ok, so I forgot the other name she said...she lost me after Crystal).....

Tim, Timmy, Lukas, Dylan... OH and Tim and Timmy are going to be born at the same time, (then she listed another name which slips my mind)...

Then I am going to have 9 cows, 4 dogs, 2 bunnies and their names are gonna be, Carmen, Brownie, Albie, Lucky....

I said, Wow Portia your going to need a really good husband!

Portia said:  Ya he is gonna be good and he's gonna be a vet and were gonna live on a farm..ya were gonna have to have a farm..

And then we will take boys and girls trips, I will take the girls on a girls trip and then when we get back he will take the boys on a boys trip and then we'll vacation together every year.  And he's gonna take care of all the animals  and my kids are gonna help out and do chores. (I do believe she said she was "gonna" homeschool, but was I imagining it at this point?)

oh and mom will you be really old?  Will you still be living then?  How old will you be?  Well your gonna have to give me advice and babysit the animals while were traveling....

This is one thing I love about my sweet Portia, she has an imagination, yet I see our family life woven into her dreams.  And that does me all kinds of good! 

She has an incredibly special daddy who takes her on dates and loves her incessantly, just like she talks.

He spoils her rotten, all the girls really, including me.

Lately I have been praying...God show me your love.  That may seem like a ridiculous prayer.

 I know God loves me yet, I was bound in this thought pattern of, well I must perform, somehow God's love is contingent on my performance, He will be extra proud if I do things right and very disappointed when I fail.

But NO!

God has been answering that prayer, amazingly, these silly prayers He deems important too.

Through books I've been reading, through verses I come across.

Through everyday conversations and everyday events...

God is showing me his UNCONDITIONAL love!

You guys know the guilt I've been feeling for not having my kids in church or myself going to church...

It was like a sledghammer to the head the way God hit me with this thought:

Nothing you do or don't do will make me love you any more or less!

Just like the love you have for your own children, when they rebel, do you love them any less?  NO!

How much more perfect is God's love than our own?

This may seem like a simple thought, and you may think ...duh!

I have always known everyday of my life that I am a huge disapointment to God.

But not anymore!

And I'll tell you what...

I

feel

FREE!

It is like the innocence of a child really, the way Portia will just go on and on and she knows I love her and she can tell me her dreams and she is FREE to be all that God has made her to be!

And she knows she will be all those things...

Matthew 11:25

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.

Matthew 18:3-6

And he said:  "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believes in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.