A favorite picture of mine. That's my little guy on the left, standing by grandpa's work van.
That was in 1992.
When I had Josh at 18, I just had no idea what to do.
But I remember always praying.... praying he would become a man of God.
And praying for God to protect him.
When I divorced his father and remarried and battled over visitation, the praying increased.
Anything you would not want your child around, he was around on a visitation weekend.
Josh would scream and cry not to have to go.
All I would do is cry and pray, cry and pray, pleading with the Lord to protect him.
To keep him safe.
To not become like his father.
Those were probably the most nightmarish years of my life.
Then in 2002, we felt like God wanted us to move, for my hubby to accept a job with a new company.
I was so excited, I would think why is God having us move? How will we serve Him in Oregon?
Are we going to be wildly successful? Why does God move you out of state?
Turns out, we love it out here. There are draw backs but there is with anything.
But all these years I've wondered, have I missed my opportunity to serve God out here?
What was it? What is it? Why did we move?
Now I suppose I can be dense, but a couple months ago I was driving, running my errands.
I was probably angry at a cashier.
And I had this thought...
Did God move us out here to protect Josh?
And I tossed it around in my head for a while and thought sure that could be it.
But surely there is something more, some grand way I am going to serve God, that I've yet to discover.
And then I just let it go.
Well I don't know if you have teenagers, but Josh is 19 now. He'll be 20 in September.
He rarely says anything deep to me. He will talk about his motorcycle or his car or his day at work.
But not much else, certianly not God.
So one day I was taking Josh to a dr. appointment, and we were talking....
And just out of the blue he said,
Mom, I think we moved out here so I didn't get into trouble with my family.
(meaning his biological father and his cousins)
I do believe I started crying right then.
For it was a confirmation to me of what God had just told me!
pause....need a tissue
All those years of praying came rushing to my mind.
God heard me!
He answered me!
God protected my son!
How am I so blessed that he did that for me??
What if we had not listened and moved?
And the thought that God cares so much for my son to move our whole family out of state,
is overwhelming to me!
The fact that God loves me enough to answer my cries for my child....
I'm not sure I grasp the Love of God.
I don't think I understand how deep it is.
I tell you I am not over this, I keep saying
WOW, thank you Jesus!
I feel blessed that God chose to reveal the answer to this why.
I have so many other why's
why did my mom have to die?
why did you bless me with 5 children while others have none?
why won't you take my migraines away?
But the answer to one, is enough.
God tells me with that answer...
I love you
I have your best interest at heart
I am sovereign
I hold the future in My hands