Monday, February 22, 2010

Weary Mother

I am oh so weary.  Why is it some days I can handle anything and other days the new crumbs on the floor I just swept, send me into tears?  Today I discovered my 19 year old has made a decision that goes against the way we raised him.    Have you noticed that when there is a lull, it is never for long?
Lately when I pray, it is always in the back of my mind, be careful what you pray for!  Yes I know this should not enter my mind during prayer, because usually while I am thinking this it is during a "please help me be more like you Lord" prayer, or "show me your will".  "Help me forgive".  I no longer pray for patience.  I know that will mean my 2 year old will show me over and over how to be patient.

I wonder will my trials be less if I do not pray for these things?  But how can I not, I truly want those things.  Is my son's decision a trial to push me closer to the Lord?  Or is it because I treated my parents so badly during my teenage years?  Is this the "sins of the mother" revisiting me?  Or my Savior drawing me close.  I'm not sure , but it has all worn me out. 

I would like to take a mothering sabbatical.  Or maybe not.  I don't know what I need.  Maybe just a good cry.  I am on the verge now, but there are dishes to do and children to feed and I went on a baking frenzy today after learning of this decision by my child.  Why?  I bake to show my family I love them.

But oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and 2 loaves of zucchini bread are not helping.  Sophie refused to eat her dinner I so lovingly made in my new crockpot.  I just finally gave up after listening to her cry for 20 minutes.  My rule is no eating till the next meal if you don't eat your dinner.  But I am to weary to enforce it tonight.

Why do some children keep reading their Bibles and clinging to what they are taught and other don't?  I would really like to know.  These teenage years have really thrown me for a loop.  I never imagined it would be so hard.  My mom never told me raising kids would be so heartbreaking.


  1. I know its hard but trust God. He gave those children to you and he will keep them under his care. Lean on him for the answers. He loves you very much and He promises Joy will come in the morning. I will be praying for you. I raised four children and I know God will see you through.

  2. As the mom, his choices are not about you. Keep loving, keep guiding, and be open to mentor when opportunity knocks...they may not do as we say, but they listen (tucking away truth for a day when they are ready to hear it), and most of all, when the hard times hit, it is mom that seems to be there most to pick up the pieces...much like God does for us, don't ya think?
    (a new-bie who loves those Lollibags! ;^)


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