OH boy... yes, yes , yes, I do believe it is just that time, I am a raging monster inside. You would think that I would learn a few things. And I have! But it has been a challenge to put them to use today.
So this morning I went to Walmart to go grocery shopping, thank you Lord for Walmart, because their prices are great when you have 5 kids. But... I will just come out and say this... the cashiers, well, God must be using them to teach me some lessons.
The first time I was irritated by a Walmart cashier, was when Sophie was still eating baby food. I had all my jars on the checkout lane. The man cashier, which from my last post you now know I have trouble with men. The man cashier, who has an austrailian accent, which I would normally like, proceeded to ring up my GLASS baby food jars. And as he did he just as quickly tossed them , yes tossed, and some tossed pretty hard, into the bags. It was loud as they were tossed down on the hard surface. I made a funny face, and stared at him. He continued to toss, so I finally said, kind of loud, could you please not throw the jars??? He looked at me and continued to toss. I learned that lesson fast, never go back to austrailian accent guy. A few months later, his lane was open and he invited me to checkout in his lane, and I declined and waited in line at the next one.
Today I got in line with an older lady cashier. I had asked Sophie to sit a hundred times and was trying to hurry to look at my coupons, make Sophie sit and empty the cart all at once, so I suppose I was not the image of nice. Let me tell you something about me. I don't make decisions easily, sometimes I can, but most times I cannot. And if I am in a bout of depression, say..... during PMDD, I cannot make a decision to save my life, no matter how small!
While I am juggling above mentioned things, Walmart cashier says to me, do you want these juice boxes in a bag? I froze. Do I want my juice boxes in a bag... hhhmmmmm.... crap..... do I?.... I don't know!... should I get a bag?...... or save the earth???.....
I am swearing in my head, while I am staring blankly at her.
Why can't she just bag my groceries and not talk to me!! I finally made the decision to save the earth and said ... no.
So now I am finally done unloading my cart, I'm pushing the cart forward to the pay station, while holding my coupons, and holding Sophie down in her seat while she is trying to stand up... I am deeply involved in searching my coupon envelope.... I hear Walmart cashier speak again... I look up, she says, do you want these batteries in your purse?
WHAT? do I want those batteries in my purse? I made that decision quickly, I said NO! and it was an irritated NO! and the minute I said the rude NO, as in.... NO you moron... my thought went to the compassionate stranger, and I knew I had failed. But I managed to quickly push that thought from my mind.
After I had swiped my credit card, and was signing, she held out her hand and said I'm gonna need to check that. I have even had one Walmart cashier grab my credit card out of my hand while I was still signing.
I sure do miss Glenda.. my favorite Walmart cashier. I for some reason started going to her line every week, she was an old grandma, she had made her blue Walmart shirt, you could tell, she had gray hair and glasses.
We started talking after a month or so, and I would greet her, Hi Glenda! How are you? We quickly became friends. She even painted a beautiful paint by number for me. It is so intricate, it must have taken weeks! She had no idea that I love paint by numbers! When she gave me that painting, I gave her a huge hug and said Glenda it's so beautiful!
She would always look for me on saturdays and I would make sure I went to her line, no matter how long. I made her a Lollibag. One Saturday, she asked what my favorite colors were, and I told her. A few weeks later, she told me she was making me a quilt. I started crying right there in line at the thought that she was making ME a quilt! I walked around the counter and gave her a huge hug and said Glenda thank you! I can never repay you for that kindness! And she said .... just be my friend! and she squeezed me so tight. Whenever Glenda hugged me, my day instantly became brighter and I felt loved! You know when the hug is real, don't you? Yes.
Not long after that day, I noticed Glenda was no longer at Walmart every Saturday. I kept asking around, and finally someone said, she got fired. I thought what? How could sweet Glenda get fired! I guess she made one to many mistakes on the food stamp vouchers, so they fired her. I miss her so much. I tried sending her a Christmas card to an address I think may be her, but I don't know her last name. I should just drive to that address and see if it's her. I don't know if I have the guts, but I sure do miss her!
Notice how I quickly glossed over my failure above, I know. I will make it up to that cashier next time. I will be extra nice and say a prayer for her. Do you just ever have one of those days, or should I say weeks, where you cannot pull yourself out of gloom? In those times the last thing I want to do is pray and put a smile on my face. But when I force myself to, it does make a difference, but today I did not :(