a birthday party

HELLO......... Sophie's 6th birthday is coming up and she is really excited! She has been talking about it since her last birthday.  At first she wanted a fishing themed party because she loves it when her daddy takes her fishing. She is obsessed.  Unfortunately, all the fish in our lake died this spring with the late freezes, so there has not been one day of fishing this year.  I think she has forgotten about her fishing party.

Now she wants a Barbie party.  Ugh, how many of those have I given my 3 girls?  Too many to count. In my mind I have the talents of Martha Stewart and I can see exactly how my house will be decorated.  This is how I envision my daughters birthday parties.....

                                                                     image from pinterest


All nice  and cute with a table set up and an array of coordinating goodies, snacks, and décor......

                                                                     image from pinterest


With a cake like this all pink and perfect and yummy and of course I whipped it up fresh............

                                                                  image from pinterest

But in reality, when I plan parties, I surf etsy and I find all kinds of cute paper straws, cupcake holders, banners, napkins, place cards, goodie bags, etc.... and I add it all up and then decide to scrap the whole thing because the décor is costing as much as the gifts I have bought for her......and my party looks a bit like this.

Why is my daughter, who is turning 16,  giving me that look?  She has no party décor.  I rarely even have matching candles.  And there is my typical chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. At least it is from scratch with organic ingredients, right?

Oh sweet Portia, with her 4th birthday cake (she is 11 now), at least I tried with the decorating gel (before our healthy eating) and some pink sprinkles.  I even had a '4' candle.  There was no décor.

This was my best attempt yet.  It's terrible, I know.  But at least it was 2 tier and had ballerina decorations on it with some cupcakes and it was on my vintage cake stand, which I stupidly sold at a vintage sale.... This was for Sophie's 2nd birthday.

So I am really in need of some advice and help and actually any and everything you can tell me about having a cute little girls birthday party, without spending a lot of money.

I am going to attempt to make a scrap fabric garland and I do have some red and white paper straws.  But I don't want to throw the typical commercial Barbie party, HOWEVER, I would consider a VINTAGE Barbie party.  We do love vintage Barbie stuff.

So please, please send your advice, links, etsy shops, pinterest ideas, etc....I'd appreciate it so much and so would Sophie!

Happy New Year!

Another year gone.  There are things to remember, things I'd like to forget, things I am happy I did.  I do not like new years resolutions, but rather,  *decisions*.    In 2013 I've decided to be adventurous.  Being adventurous started for me back in 2006, (or maybe 2002 when we moved to Oregon)......  One day I decided I should take my kids (4 of them at the time) on a road trip.  We lived in Oregon and I wanted to drive to San Fransisco. Just me and the kids.

Hubby didn't like the idea but I was set.  We did.  We just took off one day and drove to California!  The kids were 15, 12, 10 and 4.  We listened to 80's hair bands all the way down.  We stopped at roadside wonders, ice cream shops..... the kids still remember the science museum in San Fran... I didn't have a digital camera back then or I'd show you my pictures.  It was a blast and I was hooked.


When Lauren was 12, her and I took a mom/daughter trip to Idaho. The next summer Lauren and I drove to Idaho again to sell Lollibags at a barn show. We got chocolate shakes at every meal.

This is the morning we left for our first Idaho adventure.

 

I promised Portia we would go on our own adventure this summer as soon as school is out.  I have a state in mind......  I am very excited!  I love adventures, our greatest adventure was moving to Oregon.  It was a blast, something I'll never, ever regret.

 

So here's to the New Year!  2013~The year of Adventure!

 

 

 

3 bits for my younger self

I'm up early today drinking my homemade iced coffee and reading my blog list.  I've recently discovered Gussy Sews, actually I'm sure I've met her at The Creative Connection Event?  I'm sure... I know I've seen her cute products somewhere!  Anyway I'm linking up with her coffee date today...

The question is what 3 things would you tell your younger self?  I'll try to narrow it down to 3!

First is: Be yourself.  You really are beautiful, your just the way God wanted you, embrace who you are.  Forget what others think.

Second is:  And it ties in with the first... You can do whatever you set out to!  Don't be afraid!  Take a risk!  Even if you fail, at least you tried!

Third is:  Please don't settle for that abusive boyfriend... PLEASE dont' marry him!  Being single is OK!  You don't need a boyfriend!  It's ok to make mistakes, pick yourself up and MOVE ON.  Stop carrying guilt from bad choices around!  oops is that 4 rolled into 3?

Which leads me to the realization of what I've been telling my daughter!  I'm telling her to chose the "safe" route, she has grand dreams and I am always there trying to support them but then adding, it really isn't reality sweetie, do you really think you can do that?  Oh shame on me!
I'm going to give her wings and let her fly!

So go join Gussy for coffee.

Aprons, bone broth, blog design, lollibags, sea shells....

Yes I am going to talk about all five!  First off let me say... do you know I still have unpacked bins from the farm in Oregon????  I know!  It's terrible.  But the bins are full of my vintage decor and things I just love but don't have a place for.  I have a huge bin full of sea shells.  I love the ocean and I love sea shells.

I originally started collecting sea shells  because I saw a picture in a magazine ( a loooong time ago) of a wall built out of sea shells.  This guy made a wall by his outdoor shower out of sea shells and concrete.  I fell in love.  I have always meant to build my own sea shell wall someday, somewhere and have yet to get around to it.  But maybe next summer will be the year.

Anyway, I found my bin with my vintage aprons and aprons I made in Oregon.  I love them all but never use them and thought I should put them in my Etsy Shop.  So I will be doing that in the next week.

 

 

 

I've really have neglected sewing lately, because I have been crocheting!  I saw this beautiful picture on Pinterest......

And now I am completely obsessed!  This is called a sunburst granny square.  The squares behind the sunburst are regular granny squares.  This just SCREAMS happiness!  So after watching two video's and reading three different written directions and ripping out no less than 15 tries of granny squares, and wanting to throw my computer across the room,  I FINALLY  got it!  And I have made about 30 regular granny squares and 1 sunburst granny square so far.  So yes, my poor lollibag's have taken a back burner...... but not for long.

As I am typing, my kitchen is full of the most wonderful ArOmA, bone broth. I know it sounds disgusting.  But I just read about it here, so I am giving it a go.  After Thanksgiving dinner I threw my turkey carcass in the freezer with all the drippings and it is simmering away in my crockpot and it smells divine.  It actually smells healthy, if that is possible! And I love, love, love soup.  Love making it, love eating it.  So I will be making soup, soup, soup and more soup out of my bone broth!

On to blog design.  I am lost, I have no clue how to change up my blog.   I have no idea how to do a blog button... these things?  Well it's like I'm reading Japanese.  Will someone please point me in the direction or tell me how to do all this?  Or tell me who to hire or SOMETHING? 
Thanks :)

Ransom

Deuteronomy 6:6-9  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Most nights of the week I read the Bible to my girls and then we discuss what we have read.  Some nights, Lauren is at work or out with friends, so it will just be Portia and Sophie and me.  Those nights we go into Portia's room or Sophie's and read on their bed. 

I truly love those nights, I think Portia opens up a bit more and Sophie sits there and follows along with her finger as if she is really reading too.  They are like little sponges.

Each night we read one chapter or sometimes if it's something they are really getting into I'll read two.  I absolutely love Hebrews and I really love chapter 9, I think it's paints a beautiful picture of the blood of Christ and what that means for us as Christians.

When we got to verses 14 and 15, there is the word ransom.  I stopped and asked the girls do you know what ransom means?  Portia shook her head no.  So I said well this is a sad illustration but, if a little girl got kidnapped, the bad guy would call the parents and demand, oh maybe $500,000 and then when the parents pay the money,  he would set the little girl free.   I said that money is called a ransom.  I could see Portia did not like that illustration, but she said... well, like if I was kidnapped would you pay $500,000 to get me back?

Oh be still my heart, just typing that brings tears to my eyes... I said, with tears in my eyes, YES, I would give all I own , I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE to get you back, I would die for you Portia!  I would die to set you free!

And in that moment, it was a realization that even my 10 year old got and it sunk in just a bit deeper for me as well, that is what Jesus did for us!!  I said Portia how much more is God's love perfect, than my human love for my daughter.  Jesus loves us so much he gave his life for us to set us free from sin! 

And SHE GOT IT.  I saw the click in her eyes.  I looked at Sophie who was on the verge of tears cuz mommy was crying and she just looked at me wide eyed with her Bible in her lap.  I'll never forget  last night. 
We went on to talk about sin and how some people don't think they are really sinful and they are good people and they just don't need a Savior.  How they think, well I've never murdered anyone and never robbed a bank and I help people so I'm ok.  Portia said, but how can they think they don't have any sin?

It's such an easy trap to fall into, well I really am not that bad and I'm better than so and so.  But the Bible says... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God~Romans 3:23.

Last night my daughter realized "the good news", that Christs blood is available to all who choose to receive it as payment for their sins.

This is such good news that we should not keep it to ourselves!!

Isaiah 55:11  so is my word that goes out from my mouth:  It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

For the Love of Moms!

Being a mom is the best, the hardest, the most rewarding, the most painful AND the most important!!  I love being a mom and I love my mom and I miss my mom terribly.  But I do not want to write another sad post, I want this to be happy!

What do you love about your mom?  I loved how my mom prayed for me daily.  I loved that I could call her up and ask her advice and she would know what the Bible said about any situation.  I hope I am passing that on to my kids too.

What is something that your mom did, that you are passing on to your children?

What is something you ARE NOT passing on to your children?  I will not pass on my mom's perfectionist cleaning regime!!  ha ha, ok I am a little germ obsessed (thank you mother)  but my house does not look like a museum.

Here's to all of us mothers or future mothers...... the world would stop without us!

Hi, do you remember me?

:)  Life has taken over, I have not sewn in a few weeks, or blogged, or been to my facebook page, or checked my etsy shop.....  I did accomplish a lot though!  Portia went to basketball camp, I took a trip to Oregon, I got through my son's graduation party, my daughter got her first job, and my 2 son's are settled in their new home.

I feel like it all happened without my approval, you know?  Life just moved on whether I was ready or not.  I was being carried away by a wild rushing river.... ok, you get the picture. These are all good things, ummm oh and 2 of my kids are now in relationships.

Wait, what happened? 2 of my kids leave the nest and 2 are "falling in love", now it seems there will soon be only 2 at home!  Since my daughter tells me she is moving out when she is 18, that's in a year and a half.   And I still don't feel 40 yet.

I've decided to embrace this new life (I have no choice).....  I already see a difference in my grocery bill, waaaaaay less laundry, less butting heads with all those grown men,  vacations will be cheaper, I am going to make wonderful memories with my daughters. 

You know how I was really missing Oregon?  I am so grateful I was able to go out for just a few days and see my friends, Cindy, the farm and just see the beauty.    I cried so much on my trip.... it was so bittersweet to see my friends, I miss them so much!  I miss them and Oregon, yet I'm so grateful, am I sounding like a broken record???  I am so jumbled up inside!  And all these life changes are hitting me at once, so you understand my instability right??? I knew you would understand.

Here are some photo's.

The first night I flew in, I went to Heidi's house, it was so much fun to hug her, we were crying like a couple of nut cases.  Heidi is in back, Denise is on the right.  So Denise didn't know I was coming out, so Heidi invited her to dinner, and I showed up too, it was the best moment!  She hugged and hugged and hugged me :)  Denise tells me my Minnesota accent is back in full force.

Here is Cindy and I. Doesn't she look great?  She just had surgery to remove 20% of her liver.  I've said before, she is like  a mom to me.  I love her so much, it was terribly hard to leave her, I sobbed in my car in her driveway when I left.  I think she is beautiful.

Isn't this the sweetest picture?  This is Cindy's husband, Skip.  He adores her and was so tenderly taking care of her.  Love.

My second child, graduated...sigh.  Could life please slow down to a scenic train excursion instead of the bullet train?

15 years

Every year during this time of summer, I am very sad.  I don't think I realize why until July 26 hits and I remember, oh ya, my mom died 15 years ago today at 8:30pm. 

I have already wrote about that day here.  Last night I went down and sat on our dock, alone.  It was so nice and peaceful and beautiful.  I read a book for a while and I talked to Jesus for a while.  The sky was so blue and there were white fluffy clouds.  I could almost feel how wonderful it will be someday when I see Jesus and my mom again! 

Have a glorious day!



Food Friday~Super Fudge (it's healthy)

When I was in 4th and 5th grade my family lived in Arizona.  During that time my mom had gone to a health food class.  And our lives were instantly transformed, I mean that in a funny way....

We went from eating Doritos to wheat germ, from drinking pop to raw milk.

Now that I am older and know the benefits of that I really appreciate all my mom did.  But I don't think we stuck with it very long.  Probably to many complaints from the family, just like I hear.

And now you can't even get raw milk anywhere, it's illegal!!  Which is ridiculous.

This recipe is from my mom's health food days.  I have such fond memories of it, I'm not sure why, I do love it though.  The original recipe calls for peanut butter, but since Sophie is allergic to peanuts I used almond butter.  But it's better with peanut butter.

Super Fudge

1 C honey

1 C chunky peanut butter

1 C sunflower seeds

1/2 C raisins

3/4 C carob powder ( I used organic cocoa powder)

1 C sesame seeds (I used less)

1 C unsweetened coconut

Heat honey and peanut butter till smooth on low heat.

Quickly add rest of ingredients, which have already been mixed together. 

Pour into greased 9x9 pan and chill.

Cut in pieces.

I adore this recipe, for many years I didn't have it and I searched my recipe files for it but could not find it.  Then I wrote a letter to my grandma and asked her if she remembered this fudge and she had the recipe!!

Please pray for me, I am super duper stressed.  I am grateful our farm is sold, but the stress is giving me migraine after migraine and I cannot function with them.  We have to be out of the farm in 3 weeks and there is oh so much to do!  And to top it off I have sick children.  Portia was sick last weekend and Sophie this weekend.  Sophie even got a trip to the ER.  I'm not sure she really needed it but the nurse on the phone sounded very sure of herself when she told me to rush her to the ER even call an ambulance if I have to.  Which scared me.............  I am grateful that she cared, but now I have the ER bill.  Oh well we would do anything for our children, wouldn't we?  Yes.

She has a double ear infection, fever, maybe starting migraines, sore throat, and lets top it off with barfing, YES!!!

Well we must be thankful in the good times as well as the bad.

So thank you Jesus for all these things and for all you are doing behind the scenes that I cannot see.  I am grateful I cannot see it all, because I may just go off the deep end if I did.

Amen.

and amen.

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day mom, I sure do miss you!

The baby in her arms is me and the toddler is my sister.

Hope I turn out as beautiful as you mom.

Love, Prudy

Mother's Day gifts?

Every year around Mother's Day I start thinking...............if I had a mom I would buy her this or make her that, I would purchase this card and take her to lunch, I would tell her these things.......

Do you love these vintage glass turquoise beads?  I am going to put them on a charm bracelet.  If mom were here, I know I would have already made her a charm bracelet AND  a handful of Lollibag's!




I also bought this vintage flower pin.  I am going to put it on a Lollibag.  Isn't it so cute and cheery?  I bought these two items from here.

I would also take my mom to lunch at The Good Earth.  I love that place, it reminds me of her so much!!  My mom and my sister and me would go there, ( I know I've told this story before, but...) mom would always get the chicken cashew salad sandwich with an ice tea.  After mom died, sister and I have gone there and gotten the same thing.  It's just comforting some how.

So let me live vicariously through you, what are you doing with your mom or for your mom on Sunday?

Sometimes I look up a word in the dictionary to make sure I am spelling it right..... I just looked up vicariously.  Here's the meaning:
Felt or enjoyed through imagined participation  in the experience of others.

Perfect!




.

Monday, what are you doing?

A post without a picture?  So sorry, the weekend has been a whirlwind.  The showing on Saturday went great.  I found out the people that flew in are.....kind of a big deal.  We had a family come out Sunday to walk the property also. 
Can I tell you, how tired I am of keeping the house spotless???  I know I shouldn't complain, because this is what I want, showings.  Thank you Lord for the showings. 

The new Where Women Create magazine is out at Costco.  I'd like to pop over and get it, but I have so much to do.  I have to list all the new Lollibag's on etsy that didn't sell at the show. 

I have some new Lollibag idea's percolating in my head, that I would like to get started on.  Let's not forget my daily going's on of laundry, children, cooking, more cleaning, taxi for a teenage girl, bills to pay, e-mails to write, and certianly not least....coloring with Sophie.

I assume you guys are doing the same?

It's the little things

You may think that it's the BIG things that are grand, that leave a lasting impression, that happiness clings only to those occasions.

Maybe that tropical vacation you know will change your life, if you could ever go on it.  Or if only your husband would make a grand gesture and proclaim his undying love in a letter or daily swoon over you.  Maybe an exceptional child who becomes a doctor....... And I know those things would be terribly nice, but really,  hopes pinned to the grand things make you miss the sweetest tiny things.

I forget who was over the other day, maybe it was my "showing" that finally showed up, but I was sitting on the sofa and little Sophie was standing behind me, her arms wrapped around my neck.  She was like a sweet garland of grace.  She whispered in my ear..... oohh I lub you mom... .... and kissed my neck, all the while making affectionate noises, like you would do as you are seeing a precious little puppy.  I wanted to reach around and grab her and return the favor, but I was listening to an adult talking to me, and I knew if I did scoop up my little girl I would have shed a tear for how precious she is.  And I kick myself thinking about it, forget manners, I should have done it, who cares about an adult going on and on about themselves, my little girl was showing true love!

And then you have the day that is not going so well, you know, one thing after another, it seems to become a way of life.  I went to pick up  my migraine medicine at Target, got home, changed, got comfy, started to do my "home stuff", went to put away my medicine.....thought it felt a bit light, checked the box, only 2 of the 6 tablets were in the box!  OH no, I had to drive back.

I wasn't too happy, but I got in the car and put in one of my favorite CD's and I drove slow and listened to some  hymn's sung by Selah.  Fairest Lord Jesus, Beautiful Terrible Cross, My Jesus I Love Thee, I Have Decided.........Instead of getting madder that I had to waste time and gas money driving back to the store, I listened to words of peace and God's love and was reminded of all my Saviour has done for me. 

I rested.

Then I got to the store and they were so sorry, they gave me two $3 coupons to use off my next visit to Target.  That may not seem like something to celebrate, but to me it was!

The little things.

Who doesn't love the sunshine?  It is warm, bright, healing, it is happiness in a ray.  In Oregon after it rains all winter and your spirit is so low and hopeless that the weather will ever change, there it is, the sun will peek out and oh the JOY!

Who would have thought a tiny ray of sunshine would bring such extreme happiness.  It's the best in the springtime, when you are longing for warm, dreaming of summer, you think you will just die if a warm day doesn't show up soon.  It's like filling up your gas tank (only for free).  If only the sun would come out for a few hours you could make it till June.

Is this a secret I'm just discovering?  Or have I known it all along, only to get sidetracked with so much bad news, bad moods, bad circumstances and rain that I just cannot see clearly for a while, really till I dig myself out?  I think that must be it, I've always known it's the little things, but there are times when they are easy to see and times when I am lost and it takes a great effort to find them.

These little things are staying with me longer too, I will think of them days later.  I think of Sophie hugging me and it still makes me smile.  Last week I woke up to see my hubby going out to get the Sunday paper for me, see he never used to do that, and I complained about it and now he does that for me, every rainy Sunday.... that is what makes me feel loved.

And I am still over the moon that my little girls accepted Jesus as their Saviour last week, but that is not little that is HUGE.

I wish for you to have a little thing brighten your day!

Parenthood

Remember that movie?  From 1989 with Steve Martin.

I LOVE that movie.

I was up late last night, and it was on TV. 

I was laughing out loud all by myself.

One of my favorite scenes is when they are at a Chuck E Cheese type place and Kevin, their oldest son, he's 9, gets bullied off of a ride and gets his money stolen.  Kevin goes to his parents and starts whining.  The grandpa says, you can take him, your bigger than he is, go get your money back!

Gil, says to his dad, STOP, be quiet!  Then in the midst of the arguing, Kevin starts screaming....

He has lost his retainer.  Kevin's parents rush to quiet him, you can tell they are embarassed.

Grandpa takes the kids home and the next scene is Gil and Karen searching the trash behind Chuck E Cheese for the $200 retainer... they are discussing their high strung boy who is obsessive...

As Gil is washing his hands obsessively under the water faucet outside, he asks Karen where Kevin would get that behavior from.....

It is absolutely hilarious.  Haven't we all been there?

That is why this movie is so funny, because it mirrors real life.

I also love Grandma's story of the roller coaster.  Gil and Karen's life is crazy... Gil has just quit his job, Karen has an unexpected pregnancy, their son is in therapy, life is a roller coaster.

Grandma tells how she went on a roller coaster at 19, and it was so scary, thrilling, made her sick and exciting all at the same time and she wanted to go again.

Much better than a boring merry go round where you just go in circles...she says.

In the end of course, things just work out.

Life is such a roller coaster..

I have been a HORRIBLE blogger, but these days are flying by and I can hardly believe how fast!

And I am on this roller coaster ride and part of me is excited to see what's around the bend...

but the bend never seems to get here.

So I'm a little tired of waiting for the bend.

And there are lots of hills and valleys.................so it's quite exhausting.

I actually have put a time frame on what I want God to do.

I know, ridiculous.

I keep reminding him, God!  Time is running out for MY plan!

And to add a cherry on top, Sophie is sick AGAIN!

Another sore throat, cough, headache, fever, stomache ache.

She had strep on Jan. 4

She had a headache/sore throat/fever on Jan. 19.

And now this.

I want an adult only tropical vacation, please.....oh and God, please try and stick to my time frame.

Potty Bliss!

I am so happy to report, 3 1/2 year old Sophie is finally peeing on the potty chair!!

I was afraid little girl was going to go to kindergarten with her diapers on!

She has a way to go with number 2, but hey I am not going to push it!

I'm so excited for diapers to be off my Target list.

WHOOO HOOOOO!!!

Straight from the horses mouth

And that horse would be 3 year old Sophie.

Everyday she says:

Gonna get blessed

Mom, gonna get blessed

Bunny gonna get blessed too.

Well what she is really saying is:

Gonna get dressed

Mom, gonna get dressed

Bunny gonna get dressed too.

It's so sweet though.

And every once in a while she will shout with joy,

Mom!  Dee us love me!

I say yes honey Jesus loves you!

She loves to sing Jesus loves me in the bath.  I always have replaced:

Yes Jesus loves me

with

Yes, Jesus loves Sophie!

So she thinks that song is just for her.

Here's our pumpkin carving picture from last night.

Nic helped Sophie carve her pumpkin.

We also made caramel apples!

Lauren played with matches the whole time.  It was fun though!

And today is November 1!!

Where does the time go?

Conversations with Portia

Do you have a little girl who talks incessantly?

Do you love those conversations?

I do.

Portia and Sophie and I had just gone to Costco.

And boy, did we stock up!  I also love those trips to Costco.

Ya just feel like your prepared to hunker down for winter...

On the way home, with Sophie strapped in the back,

I began to listen..

(sometimes during these long convo's I begin to look like this)

But the words I was hearing were so interesting I hung on every

single

one.

Portia:   Mom, when I grow up I am going to have 100 kids, no, no wait 10 kids maybe well ya.  I am going to have 5 boys and 5 girls.  And their names are going to be umm, wait ya ,no not that, well ya,  Daisy, Bailey Shaley cuz they are gonna rhyme, Crystal,

 (ok, so I forgot the other name she said...she lost me after Crystal).....

Tim, Timmy, Lukas, Dylan... OH and Tim and Timmy are going to be born at the same time, (then she listed another name which slips my mind)...

Then I am going to have 9 cows, 4 dogs, 2 bunnies and their names are gonna be, Carmen, Brownie, Albie, Lucky....

I said, Wow Portia your going to need a really good husband!

Portia said:  Ya he is gonna be good and he's gonna be a vet and were gonna live on a farm..ya were gonna have to have a farm..

And then we will take boys and girls trips, I will take the girls on a girls trip and then when we get back he will take the boys on a boys trip and then we'll vacation together every year.  And he's gonna take care of all the animals  and my kids are gonna help out and do chores. (I do believe she said she was "gonna" homeschool, but was I imagining it at this point?)

oh and mom will you be really old?  Will you still be living then?  How old will you be?  Well your gonna have to give me advice and babysit the animals while were traveling....

This is one thing I love about my sweet Portia, she has an imagination, yet I see our family life woven into her dreams.  And that does me all kinds of good! 

She has an incredibly special daddy who takes her on dates and loves her incessantly, just like she talks.

He spoils her rotten, all the girls really, including me.

Lately I have been praying...God show me your love.  That may seem like a ridiculous prayer.

 I know God loves me yet, I was bound in this thought pattern of, well I must perform, somehow God's love is contingent on my performance, He will be extra proud if I do things right and very disappointed when I fail.

But NO!

God has been answering that prayer, amazingly, these silly prayers He deems important too.

Through books I've been reading, through verses I come across.

Through everyday conversations and everyday events...

God is showing me his UNCONDITIONAL love!

You guys know the guilt I've been feeling for not having my kids in church or myself going to church...

It was like a sledghammer to the head the way God hit me with this thought:

Nothing you do or don't do will make me love you any more or less!

Just like the love you have for your own children, when they rebel, do you love them any less?  NO!

How much more perfect is God's love than our own?

This may seem like a simple thought, and you may think ...duh!

I have always known everyday of my life that I am a huge disapointment to God.

But not anymore!

And I'll tell you what...

I

feel

FREE!

It is like the innocence of a child really, the way Portia will just go on and on and she knows I love her and she can tell me her dreams and she is FREE to be all that God has made her to be!

And she knows she will be all those things...

Matthew 11:25

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.

Matthew 18:3-6

And he said:  "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believes in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.



Mom

July 26, 1996 at 8:30pm, my mom died.

I suppose I won't forget that moment.  I was home, I had just been at the hospital for most of the day.

But I had to pick up the kids...Josh was 6, Nic was 3 and Lauren was 6 months.  My friend watched them for me.

At 8:30 pm my dad called and said "mom just died." 

So I rushed back to the hospital, up to her room and went in and looked at her, then I ran down the hall to the bathroom because I was going to throw up.

I never did.

And that marked the beginning of the last 14 years without mom.

I still wish I could have spoken with her about dying, I wish I could have said goodbye and that she could have imparted some words of wisdom to me.

But she had to much faith she would be healed and refused to think otherwise.

When I was little my mom sang the Doris Day song Que Sera Sera to me.

I do the same for my girls.  When I bathe Sophie, she never liked to lay back and get her hair rinsed, so I sing that song to her......

I look into her huge brown eyes and feel such love for her.

And I think this must have been the way my mom looked at me and the love I have for my daughter must be the same love my mom had for me.

When I was little I remember my mom in the kitchen fixing dinner and she would be cutting onions.

She would always sing these words....

Onion Onion OOOO La La!

Onion Onion OOOO La La!

( I wish you could hear the tune)

During my teen years, I don't remember alot of loving words pass between my mom and I.

But I was a handful.  Something my mom did has stuck with me all these years.

I was 18 and pregnant and unmarried, having grown up in a christian home.

I went to church one Sunday with my mom.

Instead of sitting in back with me, her wayward daughter, she brought me right up to the middle of the crowded sanctuary and sat with me in front of all the people.

I felt like she wasn't ashamed of me!

She acted as though I was a daughter to be proud of!

We never spoke of that day, I can't wait to tell her how much that meant to me, when we meet again.

 

The photo above, that is my first son, Josh, my mom's first grandbaby.  She was a wonderful grandma!

As I was looking through my photo's trying to find some of my mom, I was getting irritated.

I thought, why aren't there more recent ones?

I am not sure it has sunk in yet that my mom has died.

Is that possible?

 

But yet, I know how hard it has been for 14 years not being able to call her and ask her to pray for me or tell her about the 2 other daughters I've had since she died.

It has been more difficult that most of my kids don't remember grandma Nancy.

Josh does. And I suppose that was divine, because Josh was the one that needed a grammy most.

 

I just told my hubby last night, I was always thinking you knew my mom longer than you did!

Hubby only knew her for 3 years when she died.  And I said , It kills me that I hardly remember her, hardly remember her voice.

But looking at the picture above, the day she came to the hospital when my second child was born, I do remember her voice...

How excited her voice was to see Nic, and she ooo'd and aahhh'd over how big he was and just kept saying my name..

Oh Prudy, he is so precious!

Oh Prudy, Look at how big he is!

He is just darling!

And she giggled after she said each one.

Whenever I talk about when Nic was born, ladies you get me.... I have to brag that I was 21 and that kid wieghed 9 pounds 2 ounces and I did it natural,  ya, you heard me, no meds...

 

When I was just married to hubby and we had 2 kids, mom would come over and bring some kind of treat.

Like Enntaman's pastry or whatever and we would have that and tea or coffee.

What I wouldn't give to have a cup of coffee with mom right now!

While she was over she always reserved time for the boys.

She would go down in the basement where their toys were and get on the floor and just play with them.

She never said I wasn't allowed down there too, but I knew she wanted one on one time with them.

She did it to make them feel important and loved.

She did it because she wished she would have done that with me when I was little.

I can still hear her telling me...

Prudy, don't wish it away, don't wish their childhood away, it will be gone before you know it!

And by the end of this post, I have a pile of kleenex in front of me and I am trying to think of how to sum up my mom in a few words.  Or maybe one word.

Faith

That would be it, her name is Nancy Faith.

And that is all I know of her now, is her unwavering Faith in God.

And that is what she has taught me.

Did my grandma know that when she named her daughter Faith, that she would need it someday?

Whenever I hear the song   I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me

well you can imagine, I have to grab my tissues out of my purse as I'm driving.. I try and imagine what my mom did when she saw the King and it makes me long to go home.

And here are the words:

I can only imagine what it will be like

When I walk by your side

I can only imagine what my eyes will see

When your face is before me

I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory

What will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus

Or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence

Or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah

Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine when that day comes

And I find myself standing in the Son

I can only imagine when all I will do

Is forever, forever worship you

I can only imagine.

What did my mom do? 

I think my mom ran to Jesus sobbing and collapsed in his arms.

And she is finally whole and healed and happy.

And I could not wish her away from that.

Oregon Coast Dunes....A day with Portia

It was Portia's turn to have a mom/daughter day.

So we went to the coast.  I love it out there!

I was assuming since it was going to be 95 degrees in my town today, that it would be about 80 at the coast.

Ha!  It was about 40 degrees when we went to find sea shells.

When you arrive at the Dunes, you have to climb a big steep dune to get to the ocean. 

This is the view from the top.  The temp dropped considerably at the top and just kept getting colder and windier  on the way down.

It was very foggy, windy and cold.  You could barely see the ocean.

But still, it was so breath taking!

It is almost scary to be there, the dunes are huge, the ocean is loud and vast.

You feel so small.

And think.... our God is greater!

And this is just a small part of the world he created.

We were giggling at how cold it was, after this I put my hood on.

And soon our legs and hands were numb.

That is the steep hill behind Portia, the climb back up it was the best workout I've ever had!

On the climb back up, Portia and I were laughing so hard, because it was so steep, we didn't think we could do it.  We were almost on our hands and knees, and I lost my flip flop!

I had the best time with Portia, I love that little girl so much!