Mom

July 26, 1996 at 8:30pm, my mom died.

I suppose I won't forget that moment.  I was home, I had just been at the hospital for most of the day.

But I had to pick up the kids...Josh was 6, Nic was 3 and Lauren was 6 months.  My friend watched them for me.

At 8:30 pm my dad called and said "mom just died." 

So I rushed back to the hospital, up to her room and went in and looked at her, then I ran down the hall to the bathroom because I was going to throw up.

I never did.

And that marked the beginning of the last 14 years without mom.

I still wish I could have spoken with her about dying, I wish I could have said goodbye and that she could have imparted some words of wisdom to me.

But she had to much faith she would be healed and refused to think otherwise.

When I was little my mom sang the Doris Day song Que Sera Sera to me.

I do the same for my girls.  When I bathe Sophie, she never liked to lay back and get her hair rinsed, so I sing that song to her......

I look into her huge brown eyes and feel such love for her.

And I think this must have been the way my mom looked at me and the love I have for my daughter must be the same love my mom had for me.

When I was little I remember my mom in the kitchen fixing dinner and she would be cutting onions.

She would always sing these words....

Onion Onion OOOO La La!

Onion Onion OOOO La La!

( I wish you could hear the tune)

During my teen years, I don't remember alot of loving words pass between my mom and I.

But I was a handful.  Something my mom did has stuck with me all these years.

I was 18 and pregnant and unmarried, having grown up in a christian home.

I went to church one Sunday with my mom.

Instead of sitting in back with me, her wayward daughter, she brought me right up to the middle of the crowded sanctuary and sat with me in front of all the people.

I felt like she wasn't ashamed of me!

She acted as though I was a daughter to be proud of!

We never spoke of that day, I can't wait to tell her how much that meant to me, when we meet again.

 

The photo above, that is my first son, Josh, my mom's first grandbaby.  She was a wonderful grandma!

As I was looking through my photo's trying to find some of my mom, I was getting irritated.

I thought, why aren't there more recent ones?

I am not sure it has sunk in yet that my mom has died.

Is that possible?

 

But yet, I know how hard it has been for 14 years not being able to call her and ask her to pray for me or tell her about the 2 other daughters I've had since she died.

It has been more difficult that most of my kids don't remember grandma Nancy.

Josh does. And I suppose that was divine, because Josh was the one that needed a grammy most.

 

I just told my hubby last night, I was always thinking you knew my mom longer than you did!

Hubby only knew her for 3 years when she died.  And I said , It kills me that I hardly remember her, hardly remember her voice.

But looking at the picture above, the day she came to the hospital when my second child was born, I do remember her voice...

How excited her voice was to see Nic, and she ooo'd and aahhh'd over how big he was and just kept saying my name..

Oh Prudy, he is so precious!

Oh Prudy, Look at how big he is!

He is just darling!

And she giggled after she said each one.

Whenever I talk about when Nic was born, ladies you get me.... I have to brag that I was 21 and that kid wieghed 9 pounds 2 ounces and I did it natural,  ya, you heard me, no meds...

 

When I was just married to hubby and we had 2 kids, mom would come over and bring some kind of treat.

Like Enntaman's pastry or whatever and we would have that and tea or coffee.

What I wouldn't give to have a cup of coffee with mom right now!

While she was over she always reserved time for the boys.

She would go down in the basement where their toys were and get on the floor and just play with them.

She never said I wasn't allowed down there too, but I knew she wanted one on one time with them.

She did it to make them feel important and loved.

She did it because she wished she would have done that with me when I was little.

I can still hear her telling me...

Prudy, don't wish it away, don't wish their childhood away, it will be gone before you know it!

And by the end of this post, I have a pile of kleenex in front of me and I am trying to think of how to sum up my mom in a few words.  Or maybe one word.

Faith

That would be it, her name is Nancy Faith.

And that is all I know of her now, is her unwavering Faith in God.

And that is what she has taught me.

Did my grandma know that when she named her daughter Faith, that she would need it someday?

Whenever I hear the song   I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me

well you can imagine, I have to grab my tissues out of my purse as I'm driving.. I try and imagine what my mom did when she saw the King and it makes me long to go home.

And here are the words:

I can only imagine what it will be like

When I walk by your side

I can only imagine what my eyes will see

When your face is before me

I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory

What will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus

Or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence

Or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah

Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine when that day comes

And I find myself standing in the Son

I can only imagine when all I will do

Is forever, forever worship you

I can only imagine.

What did my mom do? 

I think my mom ran to Jesus sobbing and collapsed in his arms.

And she is finally whole and healed and happy.

And I could not wish her away from that.